Hiii everyone! Long time, no seeeee!! I'm excited to share that I have started a new blog named Sex & Tranquility :-) It's a blog about sexuality, gender, relationships, emotions, and allll of the things. It's sort of like this blog, but more on an emphasis on sexuality because it's just a passion of mine! I'm having a lot of fun creating over there so if you're ever interested - come read! I basically write the same way I did before, maybe more..professionally...maybe not..hahahah. But yeah! I hope you'll check it out and also hope you are all doing well despite the global issues. As always, I do miss this space and the people I connected with, but I hope to hear from you soon!
PrEtEnDiNg
You don't know how many times I have tried typing up a post on this blog these past few years!!! I currently have 55 drafts (don't worry - those are from 2015 to now lol) so clearly I have a problem with finishing shit. I have practiced self-compassion on that regard. I was working on finishing college, working, working, and more working, and then graduating, and then working, working, working. So finishing different projects has been pretty difficult!
Anyways, these are pictures I took and edited and thought were cute so enjoy those while also reading about thoughts (which is what this blog was always about).
cLEARLY, it is a rough time for us all around the world, but I'm not sure if I want to add more dialogue to that conversation...so for now, I'll just talk about my journey to seeeeelf-love and giving myself compassion.
When I was in high school and all the way through to starting college, I thought self-love and care was something you achieved at one point of your life, like your perfected it. I roll my eyes now at that thought because that is soooooo not how it goes. It is a goddamn process. You literally could love yourself one day and feel confident as hell and then all of sudden...BUH-BANG, you are feeling the complete opposite. Like night and day! I have also learned that binary language does not serve us whatsoever, which I will talk more about in another post (hopefully...also may have talked about it in the past...not sure...)
We don't know anything, ever. About Anything!!! I sometimes feel like I peaked mentally, like I have perfected my emotions, my actions, my thoughts. I know who I am and who I will become. But that is also incorrect. I always knew that we were ever-growing beings, but I never applied that completely to myself. I knew that I could learn more about my surroundings and others, but never related it to literally myself. I, internally, am ever-growing. Some days I won't feel like myself and other days I'm like daaammnnn bitch, you got this. And that is called GROWTH!
I've been feeling a bit down about ohhh many of things so pouring these feelings felt good. It feels good to release thoughts like this and re-reading them. It's a form of growth and self-reflection! I hope I can be consistent one day. I hope you are all taking care of yourself and of others by doing your part. Sending love to you all!
Anyways, these are pictures I took and edited and thought were cute so enjoy those while also reading about thoughts (which is what this blog was always about).
grooooooown ocean
wow! hi! hello! ah! i missed this space so much. so much. i kind of, almost, did have a mental breakdown about not blogging anymore because Lurking Cat has been my go-to thing that i vented to. this is the space i grew up in. this is my space, i created this blog and am so proud of what i made. and i'm not ready to let it go. so here's my plan. i'm just going to post anything and everything, mostly my current thoughts. what will be different is, sometimes it won't be specifically about me, just things i'm learning, but i'm also planning not to create something every time or post a photo. the reason for this is because it's a reason why i stopped blogging. i have so many drafts of my thoughts that i never posted because i didn't create something for it and i hate that! i hate that i have old thoughts that weren't posted at that moment because now i don't even want to post them! because it's just a thing of mine! anyways, from now on i'm going to write liiikkkeee, i'm kind of writing an article. or something. i dont know. we'll see.
i hope all my blogger friends are all doing well and are happy and i miss reading everyone's blogs. we'll see how this goes. thank you for reading. goodbye :') <33333 font="">
i hope all my blogger friends are all doing well and are happy and i miss reading everyone's blogs. we'll see how this goes. thank you for reading. goodbye :') <33333 font="">
where this flower blooms
Patience. Oh, patience. One of my worst enemies. "Patience is a virtue." Very true, but very hard to follow through. Forgiveness. Or more like...letting go. These two aspects have been the things that I've been trying to achieve to become a better me. You'd think I'd be very patient considering I work with kids, but it's because I have to. In my own life, I have choices and a lot of the times I choose to say whatever I want without thinking. Which leads to the idea of letting go of things that aren't that serious and doesn't deserve attention. I'm a very stubborn and dramatic person. Sometimes it's fun, but sometimes it's not.
Anyways, I thought I'd mention a little bit of what I went through while taking a road trip to Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming with my wonderful family. I also went to a few other places, but I have so many pictures i'm just going to break it into different parts. As most of you can probably tell, I have a deep appreciation for nature and wanting to experience it so being in this park was just incredible. I got to be able to see so much, there are no words of have awesome it was. Anyway, here's Yellowstone (and yes, I do very much love skies).
Three Months
DISCLAIMER: I don't know how to display my pictures or create anything because I don't know what I want to create so basically I don't know what this blog is anymore lol. The next couple of posts will be me experimenting, but also just putting out some pictures. This blog started out to share my thoughts and clothes so that's what it will continue...but in a different way.......I DON'T KNOW. CARRY ON.
I think one of the first methods he taught me was breathing. Simple as that. He taught me a few breathing exercises to do when I'm feeling stressed or just an everyday thing. These exercises got me into meditating, which he also mentioned, and so I did it every Sunday. In my experience, it helped me a ton. It gave me 30 minutes to myself and to clear my mind. I think in our third session, he mentioned finding my happy place and to imagine that place when I'm meditating. So, now I settle myself into my happy place before doing my breathing exercises/meditating. Here's a few pictures that describe my happy place a little (basically lots of green and colorful flowers).
So, I also learned I'm my biggest critic (which is really everyone), but not only that, I'm (was) my worst enemy. Y'know, thinking back I was always about self-love and telling others to feel the same, but...I wasn't even doing that? I kind of was, but totally on a surface level. Going to therapy or even thinking about going/making the decision made me realize that I wasn't even loving myself? I was always criticizing what I was doing, how I was feeling, my grades, the way I was eating, comparing myself to others, trying to be the best me, but it wasn't even mentally healthy? I was trying so hard to better myself, that instead it turned into self-hatred. I think realizing this was what really broke my heart. This was the worst part for me. It made me SAD that I was like this, I felt bad for myself. So, my therapist told me to tell myself to, "Leave Yourself Alone" whenever I would criticize myself. It sounds pretty silly, but that was part of it. When I felt that I was criticizing myself, I would tell myself those words and it made me laugh a little and stopped basically being mean to myself. Those few words helped a ton. (Here are a few pictures from my bullet journal where you can tell at what point in my feelings I was at, which is probably the best thing about making this journal.)
I went to, I believe, 4 sessions and they made me realize a lot things. I'm SO glad I went. It didn't solve all of my problems because y'know mental health issues won't ever go away, but you find ways to cope/live with it, which is what therapy is really about. If you're questioning to go, I very much encourage it. The first time I went, I felt pretty ridiculous because I felt my problems were small, but that wasn't the case. I was dealing with something and needed some help so I got it! I feel better and hopefully it will continue.
