Three Months

DISCLAIMER: I don't know how to display my pictures or create anything because I don't know what I want to create so basically I don't know what this blog is anymore lol. The next couple of posts will be me experimenting, but also just putting out some pictures. This blog started out to share my thoughts and clothes so that's what it will continue...but in a different way.......I DON'T KNOW. CARRY ON.

Therapy. That's what I'll be talking about today. I don't even know where to start. I don't think I want to delve into WHY I went, but what I got out of it, even if it was only for a couple of months. (This post makes me feel vulnerable, but I feel it's an important part of my life and I want to share this on my blog. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything else. You can share your own experience or add on thoughts or something, but no need for sympathy comments, thank you!!)

I think one of the first methods he taught me was breathing. Simple as that. He taught me a few breathing exercises to do when I'm feeling stressed or just an everyday thing. These exercises got me into meditating, which he also mentioned, and so I did it every Sunday. In my experience, it helped me a ton. It gave me 30 minutes to myself and to clear my mind. I think in our third session, he mentioned finding my happy place and to imagine that place when I'm meditating. So, now I settle myself into my happy place before doing my breathing exercises/meditating. Here's a few pictures that describe my happy place a little (basically lots of green and colorful flowers).

So, I also learned I'm my biggest critic (which is really everyone), but not only that, I'm (was) my worst enemy. Y'know, thinking back I was always about self-love and telling others to feel the same, but...I wasn't even doing that? I kind of was, but totally on a surface level. Going to therapy or even thinking about going/making the decision made me realize that I wasn't even loving myself? I was always criticizing what I was doing, how I was feeling, my grades, the way I was eating, comparing myself to others, trying to be the best me, but it wasn't even mentally healthy? I was trying so hard to better myself, that instead it turned into self-hatred. I think realizing this was what really broke my heart. This was the worst part for me. It made me SAD that I was like this, I felt bad for myself. So, my therapist told me to tell myself to, "Leave Yourself Alone" whenever I would criticize myself. It sounds pretty silly, but that was part of it. When I felt that I was criticizing myself, I would tell myself those words and it made me laugh a little and stopped basically being mean to myself. Those few words helped a ton. (Here are a few pictures from my bullet journal where you can tell at what point in my feelings I was at, which is probably the best thing about making this journal.)

I went to, I believe, 4 sessions and they made me realize a lot things. I'm SO glad I went. It didn't solve all of my problems because y'know mental health issues won't ever go away, but you find ways to cope/live with it, which is what therapy is really about. If you're questioning to go, I very much encourage it. The first time I went, I felt pretty ridiculous because I felt my problems were small, but that wasn't the case. I was dealing with something and needed some help so I got it! I feel better and hopefully it will continue.